Six months.

That's how long Olive has been here.

Where on earth did it go? Seriously. I am enjoying my baby far too much, and somebody has been skipping the clock on us, I am sure of it!

Though in saying that, the last 2-3 weeks have been a nightmare (well, an Olive sized nightmare, not a normal nightmare).

My normally great sleeper hit 5 months and whoever discovered the Five Month Sleep Regression knew their stuff. The child just stopped sleeping. She also started getting so nosy she would refuse feeds if they weren't offered in the comfort of her (MY! But that's a different story) darkened bedroom.

We decided to stay at home and get into a routine. A what? Exactly what Olive thought, too. Figured seeing as we were being hard-arsed parents, we would wipe out the swaddling too - I mean, she was unwrapping those pudgy arms at 5am so she didn't need it anymore. Right?

We had talking and tears, and singing and playing for up to an hour and a half, before Madam would sleep for a mere 45 minutes.

Ok, so that wasn't going to work..next trick.

A sleep site told me to buy a Cocoon wrap - all zippered up that she can't get out of. Waited the weekend for the courier to deliver. Monday morning, it arrives. Yay! Super excited, rip it out of the box, whack it on the baby. Good night, baby!

Baby eats it.

Next.

A wonderful friend gave us a Miracle Blanket to try. A nifty thing Baby Houdini wouldn't escape from! First go - Great Success! Asleep in 5 mins, slept for 2.5 hours! Second go - Fail. Awake for 2.5 hours, slept for 5 mins!

*Sigh*. My Good Baby was behaving like somebody else's Naughty Baby. (I don't breed Naughty Children, just so you know).

And here we are. Persisting with the Miracle Blanket, and still pretending that the Angel upstairs (who has taken 4, yes, FOUR hours to go to sleep today) is a Good Baby.

Well....actually...I lie. We aren't pretending - look at her!

This here is the proud wee face of a certain somebody who can now roll from her back to her tummy....constantly. AND even get her own little arms out from under her belly (after lots of dolphin diving, mind you!).

Olive is almost half a year old. Six months. SIX months! Didn't I only just have her? These months really are flying by. We are onto the Bigger Baby stage!

She is already almost eating real food..we did try her on some banana, but that was a fail. She swallowed the first wee bit, with a perplexed look on her face and then proceeded to gag and vomit it back up. Charming.

She is still sleeping well, but she can be a toerag in the daytime and sometimes misses all day naps. Too nosy, this girl is!

She is very vocal, even spouting off a load of 'Mum-mum', 'Dad-dad' and 'bubba'.

A Mummy's Girl, this one. She doesn't like it when Aunty picks her up from her bed. The bottom lip drops and she looks around for her Mum. When I take her, she tells Aunty off in her 'ah did did did bbbbb' language. She is bolshy!

Everything goes in the mouth - hands, toys, blankets, Mummy's hair. There are no sneaky visits at our house - Olive always makes sure to mark your shoulder with either puke or slobber to makes sure everyone know's you have been to see her.

Along with all these new and exciting things, our first 6 monthly check with the paediatric dermatologist is approaching also. And oh how her wee bod has changed! There is a very fine layer of blonde hair covering the top half of her BTN now, as well as the bit above her bottom. She has so many satellites, I haven't sat down to count but my guess is between 20-30 (none of which were there are birth, remember!) and you can see the beginnings of many more coming through. She is definitely very sensitive on her nevus - when she has done a poo and it is touching the hair, she arches her back and cries. It might just be that it tickles or something, but it definitely annoys her!

Her nevus on her fontanelle has such thick hair now! We affectionately call it her tiny wig, after a checkout operator at the supermarket asked if it was real....

It seems like such an age ago that I was in tears and asking for advice on how to cure her bleeding bottom and lesions on her back. I feel we have come a long way, and the way we speak of her nevus now is very much fact, and not so much emotionally charged.

I don't want to wish time away, because I am enjoying her so SO much, but I am really excited and anxious to see what the future holds for my beautiful wee babe.

Isn't it funny how emotions hit you sometimes? Just out of the blue, you can suddenly be feeling something you didn't even know was there.
I thought I had 'accepted' Oli's condition, and that I had had my big cry and it was going to be mostly smiles from here on in. But this morning, I realised that isn't quite the case.
New satellites pop up often. I find them fascinating. One minute, there is clear skin, next morning there is a new wee spot. As I have said, Olive has lots on her legs now (probably over 20) so they don't bother me as such. Then this morning, I discovered one on her chest, right by her teeny tiny baby nipple. This doesn't matter. Right? In the big scheme of things, it doesn't and perhaps it is just the fact I am breastfeeding her and that was my automatic thought - now she will have spotty breasts too!
Then I found one on the back of her neck....then one on her cheek....then about 5 new ones on the soles of her itty bitty feet (My gosh, those feet are gorgeous. The fattest stubbiest wee pudgy toes you ever did see! I could eat them up!) that weren't there the other night!

That's when I started sobbing. One day, she will most likely look at these photo's of herself, with no recollection of the time before she had these 'marks' all over her body. This point in time, will make her look so different to what she will be in future years. I felt so silly crying over this, as I don't think I think of Olive and her nevus as a sad story as such. It took me by surprise how grief stricken I was, about my bub being the way she is.
I don't want to cry over this. I don't want it to be sad. I don't want Olive to be sad about it, and I don't want Jaxon and Meisha growing up feeling sorry for their sister.
But I also don't want Olive to have a life where people are rude, and stare because she may look a bit different. I don't want her to have to explain her appearance to anybody. Ever. I said it in my first post, and have said this since Day 1 - all Eddie and I want for our children is to be themselves, and to be proud of who that person is, and to ultimately be happy.

I have no doubt Olive will be everything I want, and more. She already is! But man, maybe these bumps in the road might be harder than I thought.

Eddie and I decided right at the beginning that we didn't want to put photo's of Olive's nevus on Facebook. I think this was more to do with the fact that Facebook changes their privacy settings all the time with no notice etc, and we felt vulnerable. We are hesitant because we are afraid to have our photo's of Oli stolen by somebody and used for their own uses. We did/do not want to exploit Olive in any way and put her on show, so to speak.

We also decided that the more open we are about Olive and her nevus, the more open and comfortable she will be as she grows up. This is her 'normal' and our main wish for her is for her to love herself and be comfortable and proud to be who she is.

We also decided that the more information and awareness there is about GCMN, the more accepting and understanding people will be. And thanks to other GCMN owners having their photo's on the internet, we were able to find information we needed when Olive was born.

So, after much discussion, we have decided to post a photo. The benefits outweigh the negative in our opinion. The photo above shows her back, which is her bathing trunk nevus. You can see 2 of the 4 smaller ones on her scalp, as well as the one on her arm, the one on her leg, and the multiple satellites on her legs.

When we are changing and undressing/dressing Olive daily, we notice wee changes but the most effective way to refer back and compare, is with photo's. As well as taking loads of our own (anyone else got 3000 odd baby photos on their hard drive? haha), the hospital are doing medical ones every 6 months.

I read somewhere (possibly in the support group?) that the nevus looks it's worst, or most dramatic, at birth. In Olive's case, this is most definitely conducive. When she was first born it was very very dark and had 2 spots, one on each side, that were like raised nodules, and had hair from them. Now, at almost 16 weeks old, they have both disappeared.
It could be because I see it every day, so I am used to it now, but it does seem lighter in colour. Though this could also be that her skin tone has changed from that more red sort of newborn colour to how it is now.
She has also gained some thick hair just at the top of her wee bum, as well as a good coverage of it (but thinner and less of it) near the top, and on her thighs. The hair on the one on her arm has grown longer, and the one on her fontanelle is very thick!

She always gets comments on her cool hairdo, and it's funny because I always feel as though I need to explain WHY it is cool....but really, people wouldn't know unless I told them! I sometimes wonder what people think, in public, when I am carrying her when they can see her spotty head. Do they assume it is birthmarks? Bruises? It doesn't worry me, but it does interest me.

I tend to forget sometimes that it can be quite shocking to see her BTN for the first time, because I am so used to it now! I love the interest people take in her 'condition', and how eager people are to know more. I find myself rambling on too much sometimes, but it is so easy too - I mean, how can you not love this face.....

A post about the baby, not her 'condition'....

Doesn't time fly when you are having fun? With Olive being my last baby, I am absolutely dedicated to enjoying every minute of her 'babyness'...but my gosh, it goes fast! Already we are past the newborn stage. We have progressed from bassinet to cot. We have started to tilt the pram to a more sitting position as she is getting too nosy. She eats her hands like a starving child. Finds the TV no matter where she is in the room, and watches it with the same intent look as when her Dad watches Mythbusters. She no longer wants to be rocked to sleep - that's for teeny babies apparently, and it doesn't work for such a Big Girl anymore!

My baby is growing up already. Yes, she is still so tiny, but before I know it, she is going to be a talking back, giggling, chocolate eating, playground climbing, Barbie playing 4 year old like her sister. Who is going to be 5 in a few short weeks, and going to school.

Eeeeek!! Somebody stop the clock!

When we were first told Olive had a GCMN, the doctors told us they didn't know too much about it, because it was rare. We had lots of differing advice and suggestions on how to care for her, and what the future holds. Every doctor we have seen has said straight off the bat, that surgery is near impossible. I know for a fact this is not the case, as I have emailed a well renowned plastic surgeon in Chicago with pictures of Olives, for an email consultation. This man does lots of surgeries to remove CMN's and is the most experienced in the world in what he does.
He said that Olive would have a great chance of success in removal of her bathing trunk nevus (BTN), and he was kind enough to send me some powerpoint presentations on skin expanders (gosh they look scary!).

While I appreciate immensely the time he took to reply to my questions, both Eddie and I feel that it isn't our place to alter Olive's body in such a huge way. (This isn't to say I disagree with other parents making that decision, I am talking solely for Eddie and I, as parents to OUR daughter). At this stage, we will not be pursuing surgery unless it is for medical/health reasons. I feel Olive was born this way for a reason. Already she has taught me so much more in such a short time, as a Mother, and as a person. To change or remove that feels as if we are saying it is not OK, and I want Olive to grow up thinking of it more as a positive than a negative.

In saying all of that, we are still learning as well. I am so glad she is little while this is all new to me, as I don't want her to see me upset about things which on the whole, just don't matter. For instance, the other day I found her first satellite on her face and burst into tears! I had this silly 'hope' that her face would stay clear. I also cried when I realised her back was getting hairier. For some reason the hair seems the worst bit to me - not the dramatically different skin colour, but the hair. It doesn't even matter! She is the most beautiful girl ever to me, and always will be - spots or not! It all just still takes some getting used to, and as I said, i am so thankful she is a baby while all these changes are taking place.

Olive's nevus on her back has no subcutaneous fat layer...that is no fat layer under the skin. It is very very thin, and feels as though it may tear easily. I am wondering how careful she will need to be when she is older....am guessing she won't ever get a smack on the bum! ;-P