Time of Our Lives

And just like that, our trip to Adelaide is over and done! My, how fast it flew! We arrived in Adelaide last Thursday and after meeting up with my Aunty Karen and Uncle Dave, we checked in to the holiday park where the conference was held.

Here was a bunch of people I had come to be friends with over Facebook but had never met in person. I knew all of their faces and names but didn't really know them.
I was feeling rather anxious and shy at the prospect of meeting new people. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, or do, so I really had to push myself at first.

As it turned out, I never had to push myself at all. The instant friendships which formed and will no doubt carry on through our lifetimes are immeasurable. The first day, the most common phrase heard was, 'Hi, I'm ***, do you have a nevus?'.
Where else can people with CMN and their parents so openly ask such a question, with the knowledge that everyone else there will understand what they are talking about? It is so hard to explain what this conference was to us. It was so much more than we ever could have imagined.

Olive made friends straight away, with a wee girl called Ellie. Within 5 minutes of meeting, they were lifting their shirts and comparing their nevus. They rolled around the grass together, giggling and carrying on.

She was also doted on (as you can imagine!) by everyone else, in particular Danielle - Michelle's (NeSA Director) 13 year old daughter. Michelle's kids are just awesome. They are such a beautiful family, so close and supportive not only to one another, but also to every one of us who attended the conference.

Jaxon and Meisha also made instant friends - Jaxon with a dear boy called Coen, who has a scalp nevus, and Meisha with Ellie and also with the older girls, all of whom have a nevus. All weekend, the kids would be off in the pool, or in the games room. They played on the huge jumping pillow or would wander around the park. They had the time of their lives, and it was fantastic to see them all get along so well. The older girls often took the younger girls with them to do whatever they were doing, or they would all play together in the pool or on the splash pad.

This freed us parents up to socialise and attend seminars/presentations. It was the start of a new way of communication for nevus groups, with having live presentations via the internet with well respected surgeons, researchers and doctors. We learnt a LOT in these presentations, though I am not going to share it on here as some of the new developments are not yet for Facebook publication and I'd hate to put my foot in it somewhere!

We shared birth stories, and I suppose it isn't surprising that a lot were very similar. A lot of us had our babies taken away for a length of time as the doctors were stumped. A lot of us had endless streams of doctors and health professionals coming to 'view' these tiny and helpless wonder's of the medical world. When discussing our experiences, there was no need to explain how situations felt, or why each chose to take the path we did, because we all UNDERSTAND. It is beyond words how comforting these conversations can be!

On the Saturday, we had 12 hours of non-stop presentations. This was pretty full on and we all missed one or another, due to needing some rest. After this full on day, despite being absolutely shattered, we put the kids to bed and had a few drinks with some of the others and reflected on the day. It was really cool to be able to do this, as some of the people had travelled from as far as America and Malaysia.
I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Mark Beckwith and his lovely daughter Megan. Mark is the Executive Director of the US organisation, Nevus Outreach. Mark gave a great presentation on the Power of a Parent.

Sunday, we all took the coach to Gorge Wildlife Park, where we got to hold koalas and feed kangaroos. The kids really enjoyed the park and we all loved spending time with the other families.

As we left the park, Jaxon's new friend, Coen, came up to me and gave me an Australia keyring - "so you don't forget Australia". I almost cried! All of the kids were such kind hearted kids. They were all so helpful and caring and they all really nurtured one another in different ways.

The youngest nevus owner there was Jaxon, a gorgeous wee 4 month old boy with a bathing trunk nevus. He was the sweetest little thing and seeing his satellites on his head and wee legs really took me back to when Olive was a baby (a little too much perhaps, I kept sniffing the poor kid! haha). The eldest was Rita, who is 69 and travelled on her first overseas trip all the way from Florida. I absolutely adore Rita. I loved sitting with her and listening to her telling me about her life. As you can imagine, things were much different when she was young compared to the facilities and care etc that our kids have now. I am so happy that I got to meet Rita, and I definitely hope to see her again one day!

I could go through and tell you what I love about each and every person that was at the conference, but we'd be here for days! Let's just say that all of the people I met, I am so glad to have met them.
As a mum, it is hard to put into words how grateful I am to introduce my girl to others with the same condition as her, at such a young stage in her life. It takes away the 'rare' or 'different' factor for her somewhat, because it means she won't go through years of her life thinking she is the only one. Even if she doesn't remember this trip, we intend to carry on these friendships, and so Olive will always know of other children who have similar skin to her. She won't feel so alone.
This is one of my biggest wishes as her parent - for her to never feel alone. And we have started the ball rolling, both with attending the NeSA conference, and reaching out to others in New Zealand.

I don't want other nevus parents to go through what we had to go through. To have no answers and have to muddle through with little to no information.
I want there to be somewhere for new parents to be directed, for support and information. To have someone say to them, 'it's OK. Your baby will be OK'.
I want doctor's to have a pamphlet that they can give to patients, so they can ring or visit our website or visit us.
I want to hold conferences, so that CMN patients and their family can be kept up to date with new research.
I want others to experience what we did, right here, in New Zealand.

And I'm going to do it.

There is just one thing holding me back. The thing that holds most people back from pursuing their dreams - lack of funds.

We need sponsors. We need individuals or companies to support us financially so that we can get this how on the road. My first goal is to raise $1000 to cover the legal fee's involved in us registering, and to cover the cost of our first pamphlet design and print.

If anyone can help, please email me here or donate here (there is a simple reason for setting up a givealittle site. We cannot open a bank account until we are registered, but once we are, we will be able to take donations via other means).

Thank you, from the bottom of my and my family's hearts, to everyone who donated and gave us this opportunity of a lifetime. It was so so much more than I ever imagined, and I will forever be grateful to you all.

xxx

Today is the day!

It's like Christmas in our house today. I have three very excited children, and us two almost as excited adults (albeit a tad stressed! ) who are going to board their first international flight in a few hours.

Today is Adelaide day!

Its 4am here in New Zealand and I have woken myself earlier than said children to have a coffee before madness descends upon our household.

2014 was a huge year for my family,  the biggest thing being mum's brain tumour. The excitement of Adelaide got buried when our worry and sadness of mum's situation took over.
Yet here we are, getting up at ridiculously early hours, getting ready to fly to our first Nevus Support Australia conference.  WITH mum.
My mum is a fighter. She has kicked this evil disease like a cancer fighting ninja. She is truly an inspiration. A woman so invested in treating her body with the care and attention it deserves. A successful and strong woman,  a wonderful role model for my children.

I am so proud to call her my mum, and best friend.

For weeks, Olive has been asking anyone and everyone if they too are coming to Adelaide.  Of course,  everyone says no, it's our special trip - but it has been a great opener to talk about how only some people have a Nevus.  I have explained to her that most people dont have one, that just her and a few other people were blessed to have special skin. So sge is super excited to meet her 'nevus friends' in Adelaide,  most of all the dear wee baby boy Jaxon ("just like our Jaxy aye mum!") who also has cmn.

I've been asked a lot about what part I am most looking forward to, and though I am really interested in the presentations and information,  I have to admit that i am really looking forward to socialising with this extended family we have adopted.  To be among others who understand my fears and triumphs that come with raising our little girl.

And I finally feel ready to arm myself with all I need and come home and throw myself into Nevus NZ, so we can provide similar support to those in New Zealand.

On that note, I'd better throw myself in the shower so I dont miss that plane!

I can never thank you all enough for giving us this opportunity.  Without everyones unfailing support and encouragement, we truly wouldn't be doing this.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart x

There is such a build up to Christmas, it can be such a time of stress for many families. Expectations from people, commitments to fulfil, events to attend, money to fork out - you name it, it happens over the Christmas holiday season.
This year, we also had to move houses. So we did it three days before Christmas. A crazy decision in hindsight, but with the enormous help of my family and a good friend, we did it! We got in on the Monday and were all unpacked by the Tuesday. Kids got a tad neglected and left to their own devices (which generally consists of ipods, computers and ruining Mum's make up), but it wasn't long and we were all settled in. We are still getting used to the different house and surroundings, but overall we are happy with a new beginning. And the kids can stay at the same school, which is a biggie for us.

For Christmas, we brought India to Mum since she couldn't go on her trip in the end. It was great! Lots of beautiful Indian outfits, delicious food, and memories with my amazing family.

So with all of that craziness out of the way, we can now focus on the trip to Adelaide. Three short weeks and we will be flying out. I actually can't wait. There are so many people I will have the opportunity to meet on this trip, and so much information I can drain from them! Not to mention, the kids and I have never been overseas so that is exciting in itself!

Olive is super excited but still doesn't really understand time concept so often asks, 'we going to Adelaide today Mama?'. I have told her about the wee baby, Jaxon, who has a nevus like hers and she can't wait to see him. I think she just likes the idea of not being the baby for once as well!

As you know, we shave the big satellites on her arms and legs to allow for easier sunblock application. The other day she grabbed Eddie's nose trimmer (what we use to shave as it is quiet and not scary for her) and came out and asked me to shave her nevus while Pop was here. She sat very quietly and attentively while showing Pop how it's done.

Later that evening, she was running around nudey after her bath and ended up lying on my bed stroking her thigh.
'Dad!' she called.
'We shave my back?'

I couldn't help giggling at the demanding request of a little girl to her Daddy.

We talked to her about it and told her we weren't going to as it might become really itchy when it rubs on her clothes, especially with how hot it has been here lately and how hot it will be in Adelaide.

She understood, and was happy to leave it for now.

But isn't it funny, how you might think of yourself assessing situations like whether to let your girl shave her legs, etc perhaps at pre-teen or teen age, but for our nevus babies we are contemplating whether to let them do these apparently socially acceptable acts before they even start school? And it's not even a big deal, it just is.

Let's make 2015 a great year. For happiness, prosperity and health. For research and cures and growth.

Let's make it count.

We are a mere two and a half years into our journey with our little bundle of joy....or more accurately, our pint-sized hurricane of a human.
Olive is a full on toddler. I never experienced this with the other two, or if I did, I have conveniently forgotten all about it! You cant look away for two seconds with her, or you will come back to sunscreen all over the front door, loom bands strewn across the house end-to-end, breakfast smeared on the table/floor/door/anyone, or more recently a mask made of playdough covering said hurricane's face.
It is non stop all day every day, including when she is sick. Which she has been for the last week and a half. This has made her very clingy (understandably - who doesn't want Mum when they are sick!) and very unwell. What started as a cold progressed to a chest infection and the start of pneumonia and then to an ear infection. Because of the rattle in her chest, our GP sent us to the hospital for an x-ray. I was quite worried about her, as her temperature was getting over 40 degrees and she was really unhappy.

It's been quite a while since I have had to 'explain' her nevus, and as such I completely forgot about it until the nurse went to listen to her chest.
"Is that a birthmark on her arm?" She asked, pointing to Olive's big satellite on her left arm.
With her nevus being the last thing on my mind, I was somewhat taken aback.
"Oh...yes, it is. She has a giant congenital melanocytic nevus on her back."

Cue blank look from nurse.

"Here, I'll show you." I said, and asked Olive her permission (since she is getting older and is very good at understanding and talking, I always ask her permission now before showing anyone. She always says yes).

As I lifted her shirt, the nurse went, "Oh! I've never heard of that before".

It still astounds me how many medical professionals haven't heard of CMN, let alone seen it. It is such commonplace in our family now, that we tend to forget sometimes we may have to be the one teaching those we turn to for help in other aspects with our children.

I also had a similar reaction from the registrar when she finally came to do her consultation. Except this time, as I went to explain, she cut me off and said, "but it doesn't matter, she is still beautiful".

Which she is. But I would have thought, for someone who studies medicine and health that she may be a bit more interested in the medical rarity of it. I guess some doctors are just more interested than others! (Although, on second thought, perhaps she was just hurrying to get around all her patients).

Either way, it was yet another experience to add to our belt. You just live your life getting on with it, and tend to 'forget' somewhat that your baby has something special. Until someone else reminds you.
I guess it will always be this way. It inspires me more to get Nevus NZ up and running so we can have pamphlets to give to people for them to read later when they have the time, and somewhere New Zealand based to point them to for more information.

All in good time.

What an absolute whirlwind the last 2 weeks have been. Such a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone. I don't even know where to begin.
With Mum having had melanoma twice before, we all thought the worst. A tumour on the brain. You can't get a lot more scary than that.

We were all expecting the worst - we truly thought the cancer would have spread, and that we may face losing our beautiful Mama.

Goes to show what we know. Mum has had surgery, and is already at home! There is no residual tumour showing on her MRI and she is doing remarkably well. Exceptionally well. In fact, you wouldn't have any idea, to look at her and talk to her, of what she has just been through.
Mum is such a fighter, but she is also real. She accepts that this is her path and that what is supposed to happen, will happen.

We aren't ready for her to go yet, and obviously neither is she. She is truly just so inspirational with her positivity, acceptance and 'get on with it' attitude.

I am so proud to call her my Mum.

When I was pregnant with Olive, I used to go and visit Mum at work most days. She worried that I'd stop visiting once I had the baby. If anything, I ended up visiting more! Olive and I would pop in to see Grandma and have a cup of tea. As Olive got older, she would practise her crawling up and down the hallway of the clinic.
My kids adore their Grandma Cheryl, and Mum adores them all just as much, of course as well as all the other Grandies!

This experience with Mum and melanoma again has made me think of Olive and her nevus. We all know her risk is increased, though we are unsure by how much (the experts these days tend to think it is exaggerated). It doesn't help me wonder though, are we doing the right thing by not getting an MRI? Lately I have been veering more towards asking for one, but our dermatologist wasn't that keen. He thinks it is looking for issues that aren't there. While I understand and to some degree agree with him, I still mull over whether it is the right choice.

The last few weeks have seen Olive becoming really sensitive to noise. She blocks her ears a lot and doesn't like strange or big noises. We had her ears checked a number of times with the GP but no problems there. Which got me wondering if there may be something going on inside that we don't know about.
And then we found out about Mum and as you can imagine, my anxiety started playing up, and so did my imagination.

So I have emailed our dermatologist to ask his advice and am trying not to worry. Why worry until there is something to worry about, right?

But I suppose as a parent, the worry is endless. No matter what.

My Mum has been there for me my entire life. She has stood by me even when I've made stupid decisions she doesn't agree with, and she's been there through all the tough times when things are out of my control. She has celebrated the happiness with me and laughed away my tears with me too many times to count.
I remember when I was little and I would hold her hand. I loved her naturally manicured finger nails and would press the tips of them against my fingers. They were strong and comforting, just like her.
Now it is our time to hold HER hand.

On Thursday, we discovered my beautiful Mum has a tumour in her brain, which they are 90% sure is the return of melanoma. She has had melanoma twice before - once in her ankle and again in her lymph nodes, both of which she had surgery for.
This couldn't have happened to a 'healthier' person. My Mum Cheryl and my stepdad Tim, are some of the most health conscious people I know. They ensure that everything that goes into their body is nutritious and full of goodness. Neither of them smoke, Mum doesn't drink, nor take drugs.
It just isn't fair. But I guess sometimes {really} shit things happen to the best people.

Mum is due to have surgery very soon and the recovery will be long and hard. We are all there for her and Tim to do whatever needs to be done.
But I just wish it didn't have to be. I wish my Mum didn't have to go through this, to be slapped in the face with such a harsh sense of reality.

I hate cancer.

I read a post the other day about enjoying the little moments with your children, because you never know when they will be the last - there will be a last time they ask you to kiss their grazed knee better, the last time you breastfeed them to sleep, or a last time they sneak into your bed for a cuddle in the middle of the night,  or the last time you kiss them goodbye at the school gate. It's easy to get caught up in the trials and tribulations of day to day monotony that comes with raising young children, and forget to cherish these moments and remember one day they won't do it again. And you will yearn for just One More Time.
I certainly know I am guilty of it, FAR too guilty. I let myself get stressed too quickly and when in the moment, can forget to pay enough attention to the grubby little hand giving me a bunch of flowers with stalks to short, or the extra kiss request at bedtime instead of carrying on with the washing or getting annoyed because I just want them asleep.
So I am trying to pay more attention. I am trying to slow down and soak in these moments. With Jaxon being almost 9 and Meisha just turned 7, I know I have inadvertently skimmed over some of these 'lasts' and it's true, I do yearn for One More. We have thoroughly enjoyed Olive as a baby, and now she is two-and-a-half, she is gaining independence at a rapid speed. Just a few weeks ago, I changed her last daytime nappy without even knowing it at the time. She decided she wanted to start using the toilet, and that was that. Nappies over. It's exciting but there is a certain sadness that comes with this newfound determination she has to be a Big Girl. We are well on our way to having 3 big kids and with that comes the realisation that the baby years are over for us. Don't get me wrong, I don't want anymore, but my gosh my children were lovely babies. I will remember those years with such fondness in the years to come.

In my last post, I mentioned studying and childcare. We have enrolled Oli at a lovely childcare centre and she has started going two days a week. She absolutely loves it. She is very independent and runs off on her own to play as soon as we get there, without so much as a backwards glance to me. It makes me really happy to see her in an environment where she feels safe and happy, with other adults who she is comfortable with. The teachers have been fantastic with learning about her nevus and paying attention if she falls or knocks it, to check and make sure it hasn't torn.
Olive takes herself to the toilet there and has had no accidents! I'm so proud of her, especially considering she is one of the smallest kids there and has to use the stool to get on and off the toilet, and to flush!
Along with toilet training herself, she has also started sleeping through the night in her own bed. The Bottle Fairy came a few weeks back and took away her bottles and since then, Oli has been fantastic at sleeping all night in her bed. The last few nights she's woken and wanted a cuddle, but hey - it might be the last right? ;)

With Olive being in care for 2 days a week, it means I have been able to have a wee break to do things like the groceries (oh, exciting!) or catch up on programmes I have missed like My Kitchen Rules (or My Chicken Rolls, as Olive calls it!), or to write on here! It's also given me a chance to think a bit more about what I want to do next year. I have decided not to do the Diploma in Not-For-Profit Management at this stage, as there are some course requirements which will make it very difficult for me to participate effectively. That's ok - what will be, will be and something else will come along, I am sure!

For now, I am enjoying some peace and quiet a few days a week and then enjoying my little darlings the rest of the time. This photo was taken by Eddie on the weekend. Olive completed a star chart for sleeping through the night in her own bed, and was rewarded with a trip to Chipmunks playground. She had an absolute ball.