I dont recall a dream, but I woke up thinking of Andrew which set the tears off straight away and now I'm sitting here having a cry at almost 5am.
For those who dont know, Andrew was my brother in law - Eddie's younger brother. He passed away very suddenly on August 3rd. We were supposed to have a birthday lunch on the Sunday but him and his partner mucked up the day and arrived at my in laws on the Saturday instead. They left that afternoon and he died not long after arriving home.
He was a fucking top guy. First time I met him was not long after Ed and I started seeing each other. Eddie and his flatmates were having a party and as I arrived, there was this dude walking in in bright purple dress pants. We hit it off quickly and that first night we met, he opened up to me about his very difficult past. We never saw him as much as we should have and ultimately wanted to, but when we did he was always a barrel of laughs. He was a man of little words at times and would just give you a look sending you to fits of laughter coz he could nail a sentence in one look.
My kids adored their Uncle Andrew. Despite not having kids of his own, he would always arrive at Christmas with gifts for the kids and a good Dad joke or two.
He was set to marry his (amazing) partner Liana in October in a beautiful little chapel in Minniesdale. Instead, we held part of his funeral there. He is buried in the cemetery behind the chapel overlooking the harbour.
There is so much more I could say about him, and about the difficult time since his passing, but since it includes lots of other people, it's not my place to publicize so widely. But I will never ever forget him and his cheeky smirk. The way he welcomed me into the family straight away. And the gift he gave me with his passing in friendship/sisterhood with Liana (love you, lady!) X
***
My anxiety is pretty well controlled these days, and for the most part I don't have to face it much. I've overcome a lot of new hurdles for myself this year and I'm actually really proud of myself. Anyone that knows me closely knows that new situations scare the shit out of me. So I've surprised even myself with some of the stuff I've done this latter part of the year!
With the kids all at school, being a stay at home mum wasnt exactly an actual thing for me anymore. So I wanted to do some things for ME, after almost 14 years of raising my children.
In July, I decided to do my Level 4 Certificate in Business Administration with Accounting Strands. I was so nervous that I would have no clue what I was doing and that any intelligent brain cells had been obliterated by years of changing nappies.
Turns out, I still got it lol. I got A+ marks for the first quarter and even got 100% on a couple if my assignments. This second quarter wasn't quite as rewarding in that sense because I was time poor, but I still managed passes with an A and B+.
In September I started a new job. I was offered a position at the YMCA and accepted, and then came up with every excuse under the sun as to why I shouldn't start - the main one being that I was offered a volunteer position at the same time writing people's life stories for Hospice. But I decided instead to go with the paid position and I'm so glad I did.
I have met some AMAZING people. Some new friends who arent just work colleagues, but awesome people who I value being around. Theres always a good laugh going, and they truly brighten my day. Sup team! Haha.
So I'm now a working, studying mum. My girls go to after school care or my absolutely amazing family help out. Jax is a back door key kid now and at almost 14 he loves it. My house is constantly a pig sty and I dont even care! For the first time in forever, cleaning is not my priority lol. Eddie and I are totally winging this both working thing and aside from not seeing each other some days, I think we are doing well. Maybe not quite smashing it, but we're getting there haha.
So amongst all of this mentalness, Olives annual dermatology appointment has rolled around. It's this morning and I am a little nervous. She's gotten a couple of accidental slight sunburns if I'm being honest, and when these appointments roll up i find myself getting quite anxious. Theres never been any suspicious spots in the past, so I shouldn't worry really but then my stupid brain tells me that the good run has gone long enough now and something is bound to pop up. So I'm fighting that inner turmoil of 'she will be fine/this is the one where something will be wrong'. My logical mind knows not to worry unless theres something to worry about but the anticipation tells my anxiety to get worked up. So basically I'll just keep fighting myself till after the appointment.
She's nervous too. She is getting more self conscious about her wee bod so the idea of getting naked for a doctor she cant remember because she only sees her once a year makes her a bit anxious too. And understandably too! Nobody likes getting nakey for the doctor. But off we will go, fingers crossed nothing sinister pops up. Wish us luck xo
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