It's a sign of a good time when you have no photo's of the event! We had our karaoke night on Saturday, as our final fundraiser for our trip to Adelaide. It was an amazing night! We all had so much fun and everyone had a sing, even all the shy ones! It was so cool seeing people you would never expect getting up on stage and letting loose.

Aside from a few organisational blips at the start (hey, the only things I have had to organise for the past 8 years is how many nappies are left and have they got food for school!), the evening went sensationally. We held it at the Glen Eden RSA and the staff were so accommodating and helpful, not to mention friendly and supportive - I had a heap of the lovely members slipping notes into my hand 'for your girl'. Everybody was so charitable and happy and INTERESTED!!! I had the opportunity to educate quite a few people on CMN which is a great step in itself.

With this being the end of our fundraising, I wanted to post thanks to a lot of people. With the generosity of everyone who donated through givealittle (which includes the donations from separate fundraising events that others held on our behalf), the bowlathon and the karaoke night, I am delighted to announce that our final amount raised is an incredible $8200!!!

I can never thank everybody enough. Our community has really pulled together for us, and words truly can't say just how grateful we are. I'd like to make a few thanks specifically, to first off PINS Lincoln Road for hosting our bowlathon, to Glen Eden RSA for hosting our karaoke night, Party at Yours for use of their karaoke machine, and to the companies who donated for our prizes and raffles:

Stardome
Mexico
Smashbox
Kiwi Valley
Citrus Based Cleaner
Chelsea Sugar
Enza Foods
Teza
Tank Juice & Smoothies
The Fairy Flower Shop
The Aussie Butcher
Kaylee's Cupcakes
Amazing Maze/Spookers
Wella
Volt Coffee
Eco Store
Random House

Not to mention my in laws, Andrew and Marlene for contributing vouchers for the raffles, my parents and siblings for babysitting and helping at both events, my friends and family for coming to both events, as well as all of the people who we hadn't met but who came along to support us. A HUGE thank you to those who took it upon themselves to hold their own event s to raise extra funds - your kindness will never be forgotten.

Each and every one of you are beautiful people with kind hearts, and I hope to repay the kindness one day when others are in need. For now, I think it is safe to say we can pretty darn excited because our little family is going to ADELAIDE!!!!

This little face, has raised so much awareness, love, and a real sense of community in her short two years. Love to everyone x

Wow! The response I have had from my last post is astonishing! My Facebook inbox was going non-stop with messages from people (in particular, mother's) sharing their experiences which were very similar to my own. I was so hesitant about posting it, for fear of people knowing my 'secrets' but I am so glad I did. Depression and anxiety can be such a taboo subject and it is really hard to talk about to people who haven't been through it.
Though it is sad how many DO experience these, it is also quite comforting knowing you AREN'T crazy, you AREN'T alone. People DO understand. And by golly, they are supportive! There are no rules on how to deal with it - everyone is different and what works for one may be to the detriment of another person.
I am infinitely grateful to those for supporting me with the way *I* have/am dealt/dealing with it.

I'd like to share another blog today. This beautiful young Mum, Aseel, joined the Nevus Family last year in March, when her son Abdalla was born with CMN covering a lot of his back and neck. Aseel is originally from Iraq and her husband and her moved to Sweden for a chance at a better life. You can only imagine how hard this hit her - not only dealing with a new baby who was different and who had the doctors baffled, but add to this living in a foreign country with no family and support system.

I, among others, were so worried for Aseel in those early days. Her posts were so sad and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, hug her and tell her everything would be OK. It is hard coming from little old New Zealand, to understand the gravity of devastation in her home country. To understand why she couldn't just go home, or why her family couldn't just come and support her. I actually feel naïve even writing that, but alas it is true. I have never experienced any of the things that Aseel has, and so though I tried, I just couldn't grasp the concept of just how hard things were for her.

I am so proud of my friend-who-I've-never-met. She has come such a long long way and proven to herself how incredibly strong and courageous she is. She managed to pull herself out of the hole she was in and appreciate and marvel in her special Abdalla. Have a read of her blog here to get a glimpse into her life. She is truly one of the most amazing and inspiring people I have ever had the pleasure of 'meeting' (I don't see a real-life meet happening anytime soon, but hey - perhaps one day!).

After a lot of thought, I have decided to do an extremely personal post. This one is not for sympathy, it is because I realised just the other day how damn proud of myself I am - and I cant share that without sharing a bit of MY story.

I have always been a very shy person, with not a lot of confidence. I dislike photos of myself with a passion because I just simply do not like the way I look in them. They are a reminder of all of my flaws which I so often try to escape from. As a result, I have very few photographs of me with my children. Which is sad for me....but especially for them. They should have a collection to look through and smile at, and to treasure when I am gone.

I've always been a very cautious person, I like to have routine and stick to the rules. It makes me nervous if I am with someone and they are doing something they shouldn't (my sister always laughs at this, as I am the only one out of us 5 kids that has ever been arrested! Only by naïve association though - definitely not by intent!).
When I was pregnant with Olive, I started having breathing issues. I was just 8 weeks pregnant when I started getting puffed and out of breath just walking upstairs in our house. I had heart palpitations and my heart would thump fast and loud in my chest. I had many a shopping trips where I had to sit in the car afterwards for fear of passing out. I saw the doctor numerous times but there was never anything out of order - we all thought it was another silly symptom of pregnancy that I'd adopted.

Around the same time, I also started having these vivid 'movies' play in my mind. The kids would go running down a hill and in my mind's eye, I would see them falling and bloodying up their face. |Or if we crossed a bridge, I could see in my head, one of them falling and drowning. It wasn't normal, I knew that but I just didn't know how to talk about it. It was generally to do with the kids and I thought perhaps I was just getting nervous about having three of them.

After Olive was born I had her to focus on. I had this tiny vulnerable person to protect and shower with love. I had these bigger two children that I needed to put powerful positive energy into so that they could feel loved and supported, to in turn do the same for their sister.
My issues were stashed away at the back of my mind.

Soon after Olive's first birthday in 2013, everything came to a head. For the previous year I'd had a lot to focus on - our new baby, the older kids, planning a wedding, planning a first birthday...there had been no time for my things!
But now, everything calmed down and I was forced to look at what was going on. The doctor diagnosed me with hyperventilation syndrome and anxiety. For anyone who hasn't been through this, it is where you retrain your body to over breathe. You take short sharp breaths from your chest rather than deep tummy breaths. In doing this, you open a whole new can of new symptoms - chest pains, headaches, dizziness, extreme fatigue, nausea, irritability and achy muscles to name just a few. I had all of these and more, and it was taking it's toll on my body.

With the amazing support of my Mum, I tried breathing exercises, diet changes, kinesiology, naturopathy....all of which would work for a short period and then my symptoms would come back worse than ever.

By this stage, I'd become very withdrawn and isolated myself a lot. Olive and I stayed home most days because it was easier to try to control my anxiety and breathing when I was at home and calm. But it was really wearing me down. Another visit to the GP saw me on antidepressants for the first time in my life. The first ones were hideous and gave me horrible, horrible dreams, insomnia and crushing headaches so I was put on another.

This one, along with cognitive behaviour therapy started my road to recovery. For the first time in about 2 years I could take proper breaths. My head and chest didn't hurt every day and I started smiling again.
I started taking them last September and in doing so have gotten on track with small things that make me happy - gardening,  reading, cooking, eating good foods...and surrounding myself with positive people. I have all of them to thank, for being there for me and LISTENING to me.

I have just managed to wean myself off them, which is a big feat in itself (as anyone who has been there knows!!) and for that, albeit a bit silly to some people, I am proud of myself. I really feel like I'm coming out the other side.
And you know what? My confidence is getting better. I take lots of photos with the kids now and even 'posed' for a photo shoot to be printed in a national women's magazine in the next few weeks (we have a story running about our Olive).

These are huge steps for me, and today? Today I'm feeling pretty damn proud of myself.

Here is me and my beautiful big girl, Meisha xx

Strike!

Last night we held our bowlathon to help with the rest of our fundraising towards *Olive's Chance*.
Miss Olive stayed home with Pop, as it was too late a night for her. She was a bit out of sorts when she woke a while after she'd gone to bed (read screaming :-\) but Pop quickly settled her on the couch with him, until we came home.

Everyone had a great night, especially my big kids who spent the night winning tickets to cash in for prizes! They got thoroughly spoilt by friends and family shouting them games and treats and Jax said he had "100% fun" lol.

We had a great turn out, with 16 bowlers all up. People put a lot of time and effort into committing to the event and getting sponsors. I want to thank each and every one of you who came and supported us. You have no idea how much we appreciate everyone's support and dedication to our cause. Thank you all, so so much.

I'd like to also thank some of the companies for their donations of the products we used as prizes. Volt for some amazing coffee; Teza for some of their delicious iced tea; Smashbox for $300 worth of their beautiful make up; Mexico for a $100 voucher at their awesome restaurant; Tank for vouchers for yummy healthy juice/smoothies; Kiwi Valley for a family pass; Spookers for a double pass and to PINS on Lincoln Road for hosting our bowlathon - the service was fantastic. Thank you all very much.

We managed to raise over $1500 (unsure of final count until sponsor sheets come in) but that is a LOT more than we thought! The support is just so overwhelming. We couldn't have got here without each and every one of you. So thank you all.

We have just one last event coming up on the 28th June. We are having a karaoke night where you can pay just $10 (all proceeds go directly to our cause) and come along for a great night of terrible singing (that's just me, not sure about you! haha) and be in to win some wonderful prizes and raffles. You can email me for more details if you are interested!

For now, I will leave you with this pic of my beautiful babies, who all of this is for. xx

As with a lot of online groups, there is a great mix of people in some of our nevus support groups. People from all different countries, all walks of life, with contrasting attitudes, different upbringings, diverse outlooks on life. We all parent different to one another and we all have individual personalities. So it probably doesn't come as a surprise to tell you that sometimes there can be big disagreements on some of those forums. The most common argument is removal versus non-removal. As you can imagine, this is an incredibly difficult decision for any parent to make. First you are given a baby who isn't as we expected (and ALL babies are different! We all know they don't come with a handbook!), and you have to deal with that in itself. Then, most people are given the option of choosing to either leave the nevus and monitor it, or to use a removal process - generally either using skin expanders (implanting an expander under the 'good' skin, expanding it over time then taking the expander out, removing nevus skin and replacing with the new skin), curettage (scraping of the skin), laser, or sometimes grafts.

None of these are an easy option. Every option we choose comes with it's negatives and positives. I don't think any parent makes the decision lightly, and I believe we are each making what we consider to be the best choice for our child. As I said at the start of this post, we are all different. I think we make our choices based on many factors - our country where we live and our society, our support system, our doctor's recommendations, our beliefs, our own confidence and fears, where on the body the nevus is and the size of it, and our doctor's reactions when our babies are born, amongst other things.

We are all different people (sorry, there's that word again! :P) and need to respect each other accordingly. Our nevus community is so small in this huge world and it always saddens me to see others arguing over the 'best choice' - there IS no best choice. There is no clear cut of what to do. Sometimes I am still unsure if we made the right choice by not pursuing removal processes more with the doctors. One day Olive might tell me she wishes we had removed it when she was younger, or she may wish to go down that route as she gets older. For now, as her parents, we are just doing the best we can....I hope others can see that, and to also recognise it in all the other parents who have been placed on this similar path.

On a brighter note, is that because of Olive, I have met a whole new world of people, most of whom are just amazing. They are inspirational and positive and have provided me with so much support and information and smiles over the last two years. Thank you, my 'nevus family'!!

And another bright note, we have hit our fundraising goal!! Thanks to the wonderful generosity of friends, family, and members of the public (all with beautiful hearts!) we are so stoked to announce WE'RE GOING TO ADELAIDE BABY!!

The kids are super excited and we have concreted the milestone by paying the deposit on our accommodation. Can. Not. Wait.

We have a few fundraising events coming up to try to raise the rest of the funds necessary - a bowlathon in May and a karaoke night in June. If anyone is keen on either of these, please get in touch with me through here.

Donations are still going, even though the target has been met (target was for the basics - flights, accommodation and passports) so if anybody still wants to donate, you can do so here:
https://www.givealittle.co.nz/cause/oliveschance

This ANZAC weekend , I organised our first ever New Zealand group meet-up in Rotorua, and wow - what an experience. So many wonderful people with so much knowledge and experience to share. We managed to get together 8 New Zealand families - as well as having the pleasure of the director of Nevus Support Australia, Michelle's company for the weekend.

I can't begin to tell you what it meant for us to speak face to face with other parents who have children with the same condition as our Olive, and to talk with those who are older and further along their path. I'm sure others can relate when I say there is something special in being able to talk with others in the same boat - whether it be rare condition like Olive has, or a heart defect, or another type of medical 'ailment', To be able to meet a bunch of beautiful people of various ages who have had such a similar road to the one you are on is both relaxing and overwhelming all at once.

Olive was the youngest person with CMN there, and the others ranged in ages up to 47. For me as a Mum, I found it really reassuring to see these brave and beautiful girls and women (there were no males with CMN there!) leading such a wonderful, fulfilling and normal life. Each one of them was an inspiration for me, and I feel they will be such a positive influence and great role models for Olive in years to come. There was such a delight in watching all the kids playing together so comfortably and getting along so well.

I got to learn about a whole bunch of medical procedures I had no idea about, and to learn of what the others did and didn't like about living with their nevus. I will admit, that for someone who is shy like myself, the whole aspect of meeting new people was a bit scary and I was quite anxious beforehand. But I needn't have been. They were such easy-going people and going by the feedback I have received, they each found it just as beneficial as us. I am so thankful that each family was so receptive to being open and honest with us all, just as we were with them, and that everyone was so interested in each other!

What a blessing to meet this many families in such a short span of Olive's life. Olive of course, was oblivious to most of it. She was more intent on running out of the pub door on Saturday night and screaming her way down the slide at the park we met at on Sunday. We got some gorgeous photos of everybody all together, and all of the kids had a blast.

In what can appear to be a 'negative' when your child is first born with such a distinctive difference, sometimes you can meet some of the most amazing people.

Here is my wee girl with her 'same same' friend, Haley, who also has a bathing trunk nevus.

They say it take a village to raise children and though a lot of the time I feel like I'm all alone in this long haul, and no-one else could at all understand my sleep deprivation or how close I am teetering to the end of my tether, I actually have to agree wholeheartedly. I could never be without my village. With each stage of the kids lives, my village grows a bit more and involves more people - friends, teachers, new family. My village is something I value a lot and I lean on them heavily with my parenting -  it may be a phonecall to my Mum to tell her a funny thing one of the kids said, or a post on Facebook asking what other parents do in such and such situation, or perhaps even my Dad or my sister taking the kids overnight so we can have some time as a couple. Whatever the situation though, I am always aware that these are my 'guys'. And I have some damn good ones.

Today my youngest babe turns two. Two whole years since my little angel graced us with her presence. And she hasn't stopped. I had as many Facebook posts on my wall today wishing my little girl a happy birthday as I did on my birthday! And nobody even got a Facebook reminder! Haha. But honestly? That makes me feel blessed. It is not just me and my husband who love this child (and of course my other two!) infinitely, but our whole village. It inspires me to keep sharing things about my kids and to keep filling them with love.

I wont deny it, my kids do my head in. I lose it and yell, and go all banshee on them. I don't necessarily do things right - hell, a lot of the time I feel like I'm stumbling my way through this minefield of a parenting lark! Sometimes I feel I am too hard on them and other times I think I'm probably taking the easy way out. But we must be also doing a lot right, that works for them as people. I sure know we did today.

Olive woke up and had a smile on her face from that moment on. She was so excited about her approaching birthday that for the last few days she has been singing herself Happy Birthday and then clapping and yelling, 'Yaaaay!! My birfday!!'. She got a new easel for her birthday which was a hit with all the kids,  especially the chalk for the blackboard which apparently makes a good snack. We also gave her a new pink wagon, which was also a hit...until the big kids bowled Pop over with it while he was holding Olive. Whoops!

I spent the day doing her cake, which she had requested as 'two' and a 'pink one'. So that's what she got, a long with far too many sprinkles and lollies. We had a few meltdowns when she was told to wait for Grandma, pop and her aunties before she could eat it!
When we all sang her happy birthday, she grinned the entire song and mouthed along the words of Happy Birthday...to Olive.
My girl was thoroughly spoilt with gifts, attention, cuddles, kisses and love. You could see the pure joy on her face the whole time. It really was heart-meltingly-cute.

Two years gone since she busted into our lives with that charisma and radiant positive energy that she exudes and I wouldn't change her for the world.

Happy birthday my sweet Olive. xoxo