I have given this a lot of thought, and I have decided not to accept the offer from Caring Matters Now to attend the education weekend in March.
I would like to thank those who have donated so far and assure you that the funds donated will be used toward establishing Nevus New Zealand when the time arises.
There are a number of reasons for my decision, but the main one is because of where we are at with Mum. It is a never-ending roller coaster of emotions, and once you are on the ride, it is impossible to get off. Each day presents new decisions, new emotions, new experiences. To be brutally honest, I just cannot bear the thought of being away from my family at this stage - and who knows where we will be in 7 months. It is not a decision I can commit to in this time, and feel it is better to stand up and own that, rather than put energy, time and money into something that may not actually eventuate.
As Eddie said, there will be other conferences, but this time with Mum - with my family - is precious and I don't want to miss a second of it.
It is hard not to come across as pessimistic about the outcome when talking about the near future in our family. But I don't think of it as that, I am trying to be realistic. Trying to prepare myself for when D-Day comes. I don't imagine you can ever fully prepare yourself for losing a loved one, but I see it as a blessing in a way that we DO know Mum doesn't have as long as we all hoped. It is a blessing because we get to do things we wanted to, say things we wanted to - not just with my Ma, but with everyone we love.
It teaches you the value of each day and making each day count. It makes you count your blessings for what they are. It makes you see the good in people. It shows you real, raw love.
It shows you what matters.
So thank you, all of you, for your wonderful support and generous donations. For the next short while Nevus New Zealand is on the backburner. It will happen when it's meant to, but right now isn't that time. x